They're cutting down tree's. They're putting up reindeer. And singing songs of joy and peace. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I've been debating really what to write, good, bad, the ugly, the fuzzy, but I'm sitting here still stuck on really how to say how I feel. I guess some things you cannot put into words.
Anyway, some of you have been with me on here and other places a long time and know that the past few years hasn't been the best for our family, but things are finally a bit more stable. Things don't look a whole lot better money wise, but things are moving. Dad has a new job, I'm still at my job and going to school, mum's been at her job almost a year and still hates it. LOL But she does it anyway and for that I couldn't be prouder. Mum's make a hell of a lot of sacrifices and if we know it or not sometimes there's just nothing you can do or say to really say how greatful you are to them. I know I am. I lucked out big time with her and my dad. Even though my family life wasn't the best I still had two loving parents who always wanted the best for me and encouraged whatever I wanted to do. I really couldn't ask for more.
Also all of you here on LJ, on-line and in RL. Sometimes the power of LJ/on-line fandoms just cannot be put in place. You guys lift me up when I'm sad/mad/bitchy/hormonal/happy/sappy/emo/
horny :P, and again I cannot put into words at the kindness and joy that I feel for you all. I really is a miracle. 95% I've never talked to in RL or met in person, we just met through here or on another board or whatever. Fandom may have it's wanks and it's idiot fans, but really the power of fandom brings so many people together it's insane. Before I got into LOTR ect., I didn't really have any friends and then I met a select few who really changed my life and took me on a whole different journey. Fandoms may change, crushes may change, but a lot of you I'm still connected to and I feel very blessed.
Thank you, everyone. I wish you nothing but love and laughter and joy for this Christmas and all through the new year. I know sometimes I'm not always there for you, we all have RL things that take away stuff, but know that I am always here. Always feel free to comment or leave me a note if something you want me to look at. Sometimes my mind is like a sieve and I say I'll do something then completely forget. We all do it, we're only human.
This Christmas will be a bit different this year though. I lost my boy this past June.
In some ways I still can't wrap my head around it, I don't think it will really ever sink in. Sitting there at the vets that day was just.... I can't say. I don't want to say. That's for me and him. All I know is that it was time and I have very good memories of him. Jackson was my first dog and you never forget your first dog, cat, fish, bird, hamster or whatever. There's nothing else quite like your first fuzzy (or feathered or finned). Sometimes I find myself just tearing up at odd moments about him, then the moment passes and I smile because he was a goof and did some pretty bad stuff that we laugh at now (except on a few matters, but those are for another day).
Miss you lots.
Despite all my trials these past months and few years I am still a very blessed individual. I have my health, my family is in relatively good health, I have a home that we have been in for a year and a half now, I have friends and I have laughs. Many, many people cannot say the same thing. All I can do is wish them that they have some sort of happiness and joy in their life.
I have a cat
staring and meowing at me and waiting to be lifted on to the couch, so I'll wrap up.
Even if you don't read this, basically I wish you all the very best in everything for this season and the new year to come (2007, wtf?!).
4th year using this banner and I still love it. *G*