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Holy crap, it's June. How'd that happen? I've been so preoccupied with other things I just realized today that my birthday is in 2 weeks. o.O That kind freaked me out. *cough*wishlist*cough*

The Canadian dollar is at $0.94 US. I really wish I could go down to the states and shop, especially Target, because I haven't been to Target since I was about 11 or 12. Dear Target, come to Canada. Kthnx.

I'm honestly amazed at how well Tinkerbell is doing. It's almost like she was born here, she's just moved herself right in. She loves to be outside and loves chasing bugs. Her and Eowyn still avoid each other, so they haven't really bonded. They may never get really friendly or they could become best buds. It hasn't even been a week yet, so we've got time. She snuck out the other night and ended up about 3 feet away from a raccoon. Gave me a heart attack, but luckily the raccoon didn't really care (it was one of the babies from last year) and didn't do anything. I just picked her up and threw her inside. Tink seems to have some outdoor sense (the shelter said she was a stray), but she needs some 'non kitty' animal sense.

This icon is seriously providing me with way too much joy. I just cannot stop looking at it and cracking up.

This past week has been rough money wise. My pay cheque wasn't all that great and with bills and stuff I'm already broke. Same with mum because rent is due to today, so we figured stuff out and for about 10 days we would have less than $20 to buy gas and groceries and anything we may need. Luckily my dad has lent us a little money to help us out.

I'm just so unbelievable tired of this. The bank has frozen my credit card because I cannot pay the minimum payment. I guess it's for the better, but when mum and I are out of money we're forced to charge everything. My dad wants me to go to the bank to get a loan to pay off my card, but the only problem is that I wouldn't be able to use it. How can mum and I pay for anything when we're down to nothing? Dad helps when he can, but he can't give us money every time we need it. His heart is in the right place, but he just doesn't get it. Mum and I have no savings because we can't save, we can't get ahead.

I know part of it is my fault, when I get depressed I shop/eat. Granted I don't spend a lot, maybe $10 here and there. It's not like I'm out buying extravagant things, but it still does add up. I just want to be able to get buy alright and mum as well. I just want to be able to save for things I want like school, art supplies/technology, travelling and anything else I may want to do. I'm sick of being working poor. Honestly to get buy with all the bills and just daily living I need to be making over $14, right now I don't even make $10, which is why I said I'm going to be looking for another job once I'd finished school (which will hopefully be next week). I've already had to cut expenses. I cancelled my gym membership (good thing I didn't sign a contract) because that was beginning to cost too much. When I did that it just made me feel like I'll never be healthy because I'll never be able to get a head. Writing this I know that's not true, but at that time that's what it felt like. One of the main reason I've stuck with Starbucks for so long is because of the benefits. I can't go without my medical, otherwise I'm screwed.

Dad says that I will be going back to school next year. Sure, I'll go if I can get $1000 a month from you to pay for bills and daily living then I'm all for it. I need a full time income and I can't do a full time digital graphics course right now, so I'm just going to put stuff on hold while I go and make money. With any luck I'll be able to find a good job with pay so that I won't have to put what I really want to do on hold for a long time.

I just had to get that out. This frustration has just been building up because my debt is just getting bigger and bigger. I can change it, I know, I just want it to happen soon. Real soon.

If you read that then thank you for listening. *hands out cookies*

Hopefully next week will be the last week of school for me. My teacher just kept giving me project after project and I really started to feel like I'll never get it done. Right now I have one project left and then when I'm done that then I'm done. Done with high school. Done with feeling like I wasn't as good as my friends when I was in school because I didn't graduate with a full diploma. I'm 22 years old (23 in two weeks - holy crap) and on June 27th I'll officially be graduated.

gremmie_goo said she would come to the ceremony and that means so much, because even though I had 'friends' when I graduated in 2002 it didn't really mean much. Even though Goo and I didn't go to school together having her there will make it more personal and fun. Oh, and my mum and dad will be there as well. LOL Of course they'll be there. I put them through hell with school. Depression reared it's ugly head and I just couldn't cope. Some days I couldn't even function or do anything. Going to school some days was like I was going to my execution. That's how powerful it was and how damaging. I didn't do drugs. I didn't get in trouble. I wasn't bullied. I didn't get horrible marks (when I was there), it was just the fact that I would miss days, weeks and sometimes even months of school at a time. Because I wasn't there I just freaked out at how behind I was and it just made everything worse. It was a vicious cycle.

I also didn't feel like I could be me. The Internet is really the first place that I've felt free to express who I really am and what ii'm about and to see how many people I've met and have become friends with has boggled my mind. I didn't think I'd ever have people who wanted to be friends with me because of who I truly am. I guess I was wrong.

Thinking back now I think I should have dropped out for a year or two, gotten my shit together and then go back. But that didn't happen, this is the way it happened and now I'm almost done and I can get this monkey off my back.

Wow, I don't think I've ever really gone into that much detail on here about when I was in high school.

Now I feel like I want to lock this post, but I don't think I will. I am who I am and if you don't like it then you can go somewhere else.

It looks as if all this LJ drama has calmed down. I'm not going to go into a lot about what I thought and such, all I will say is that LJ's heart is in the right place, but I think they should have done a little thinking and/or research before they just started deleting journals and causing a mass panic.

I want to go away this summer. I haven't been to the cabin in over two years which is the longest I've ever been away from it. Right now I don't even know if it's still standing. LOL Dad said he'll get us over there hell or high water. All I want to do is sit on the deck and read and read and read (and other things). I'm so burnt out. I need to get away. That's one of the things I love about the cabin. No electricity. No running water (ok, that I don't love as much). No phones, cars, roads ect. No anything. I can just sit on the deck or beach or whatever and do whatever the hell I want.

After 5 years here on LJ, I think I want to change my user name. Nothing drastic, but it figures the user name I want is taken! I hate that. And to make it more frustrating it looks as if they haven't updated their journal in almost a year (ironically the last entry posted was on my birthday). I dunno. I guess I'll just keep the one I have, or I'll see if I can contact the person and if they are still reachable maybe we could work something out.

I really want some Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ice cream.

I also need a hair cut.

I made a bunch of Heroes icons and posted them over at

bunny_icons

Fuck, this entry was long. If you read it then... uh... *hands you a bottle of booze*

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Target's the shit, I love it. It's so much better than ~~Squallmart~~ Walmart.

I just wish they'd move it here.

1. CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR DIPLOMA! No matter what are you are :)
2. ZOMG I LOVE THAT POTC SCENE. *shoo*

1. THANK YOU!!!!
2. I LOVE THAT SCENE SO MUCH!!!

Man I know what you're going through with money troubles and not being able to pay the minimum payments Bonnie - I'm in that boat as well. But hopefully things will turn around for you soon! *huge hugs on that*

And officially graduated? YAY! Congratulations on that! :D *more hugs*

*takes the bottle of booze and staggers off* Great - now I'm being followed by rocks, that's a new one. *falls over* XD

Yeah, it's just so hard sometimes. Bah. I wish we all could just do away with money all together. *hugs*

Thank you! :D

Just make sure those rocks don't pinch. ;)

*lol* Next time I lick the rock I'll check for pinchers before I do. XD

I had a friend who went to the movie and one of her guy friends said that Tia Dalma had explosive crabs. XD

You're welcome and yes money is all evil. *shakes fist at it* We should make rum the new currency...or something. *lol* Maybe peanuts and rum? What do you think?

Peanuts and rum work for me. :D

wow...if i wasn't dog tired from having worked 18 hours today, and having to do it all over again tmrw, i could probably come up with something insightful to say...but since i am TOTALLY fried, i'll have to catch up with you later...peace

Oh, hon, don't worry. I know you're super busy at the moment, so have I. Is there anytime that we can connect and chat? Miss you! I hope everyone is well.

Congratulations on your graduation! It's a an amazing acomplishment and it sounds like you are in a good place at the moment. What I mean by this is you are able to recognise things about youself and a lot of people cannot.

Money problems are the worst. Hang in there. Just be careful with credit. I would hate for you to have a bad credit rating for the future.

Thank you. :)

Unfortunately my credit isn't the best, because we've been struggling for a few years now I've had to max out a lot of things and been unable to pay. Still there's a chance to turn that around.

Trust me I hear ya on the money thing. Stupid money.

I want half baked ice cream too!!!!

I want to go to the cabin tooooooo!

*makes grabby hands* Gimme booze!!!!!

You can totally come to the cabin with us. :D

*hands you some rum*

*big tight hugs* We love you because you're who you are.

Aw, thank you. <3

I feel you on the bills thing. We took out a $2,000 loan for vacation because it was a last resort. Vacation or kill people....lol In the long run though it just adds to the already HUGE debt we're in and it just never feels like we are getting ahead. I wish you guys the best because you've been through a lot and it's about time things look up!:)

Oh and something other than Leggyslove? Seriously it just seems odd!

Yeah, I'm at that point: Vacation or people will die.

Thanks. :)

It's actually not that different from

leggyslove, I just wanted to change it to

bunnylove.

Oh, and someone commented about the SPN Gallery and when they try to access the page all they get is Fatal Error.

Crap I'll have to email cleverdot because I have no idea what that would mean

HOn, ::Hugs:: I hope everything will be under control very soon. The graduation, the bill, the cabin, etc.

And you're right of course, you're who you are and people you know love you just because of that. I was in PMDD some years ago, though it's not like I am still suffering from it, (but sometimes I dread it coming back), it's kind of a depression that's Pre-menstuation. It sucked so bad. I couldn't tell ppl and later, I was like 'what the hell' and I told some friends. They're like they heard a line everyday and didn't quite have whatever kinds of response. Well, I do have a bunch of LJ friends here who supported me and I got through it.

You're very brave, because sometimes ppl doesn't even feel like writing it on LJ. But writing does help, hon.

BTW, I like your username...so not exactly a bad thing if the new one's already taken. :P

Thank you. :)

It's amazing how LJ can help us. When we sometimes can't turn to RL people, we can come here and get support. :) It does help to write it out. After I posted it I felt a lot better.

The username I wanted to change to wasn't that different from the one I have, but since they have it then I think I'll keep mine. :)

I know part of it is my fault, when I get depressed I shop
Same here.
Don;t worry love, it's a phase and maybe you're down now, you'll be up again soon.
<3

Yay for Tinkerbell, at least you have her to keep you occupied :).

And LOL at icon!

Thank you, hon. Yeah, Tink has become quite the princess here already. :P I cannot believe that I haven't even had her a week yet. It seems so much longer.

You have to do a picspam! :D
Eee kitty! I never really had a cat..

Woot! Booze AND a cookie! XD

I met you on LJ...over a LotR icon I think hahahha! Our interests are sometimes the same, and sometimes totally different, but I feel like I've been close to you because of that? (It's late and I can't think straight.XD)

Either way, I'm proud of you for graduating and being who you are! I wouldn't want any other Bonnie!

Aw, thanks hon. Fandoms may change, but we all are still together through LOTR. :)

Yay! Congratulations on graduating! It's good feeling, isn't it. :)

I dropped out of high school, and graduated at 21. Most recently I've delved into Student Loan Land and am now making enormous payments on that loan. Ugh. I don't recommend that if you can possibly help it. 2 years is almost $30,000 now, and that's ~$400 a month you have to pay.

If you can swing it, work full time (Have you considered temping?) and take an evening or weekend class every semester. I've applied for SFU in January, and am hoping to do that..

Good luck!

It's a great feeling. :)

No, I haven't consider temping, that is a possiblity I'll have to look into.

I may look into part time courses, but right now I think I may want to just focus on a job. Still you never know. I may change my mind through the summer.

Good luck with SFU! Half the people I work with seem to go there. :P

*takes bottle of booze and gets drunk*

\o/

Tinkerbell and Eowyn will be friends. Cats are finicky that way. My cats one minute love each other and then next hiss at each other. Just doesn't make sense. HAHA

Credit cards are a no no. I was out of work for about 3 months and I charged everything. I've learned my lesson. You need to hide that card and put it in a safe place. No more charging. Pay that thing off. :D

Trust me, if I were capable of living without a credit card I would. It's just the only resource my mum and I have to turn to when we have nothing. *kicks card*

please don't shoot me, but do you have a job? :D

Yes, I work at Starbucks.

*HUG*
You know if I had anything to spare I'd send it to you, but unfortunately I'm just finishing school and about to start a new job and have less than nothing right now. Not that it helps any now, but as soon as I can I'll help out.
*HUG*

Thank you, hon. That means a great deal to me, but please don't put yourself out on my account. The hugs are more than enough. :)

Birfdays are happy things. ;) My mommy's was on Saturday, so I also believe strongly that June birthdays are even happier things.

Target needs to move near you. I have a slight obsession with that store. Beat out only by my obsession with bookstores.

Tink sounds like a cutie. Are she and Eowyn warming up to each other yet?

Your icon is happiness. We saw POTC again on Friday and I am INLOVE. It was so good the second time, I honestly cannot get over it.

All right, for the serious stuff.

I can say it a thousand times and it will never diminish its truth - I hate money. It is a festering, stinking disease, unless you are one of the select few who somehow is made of it and never has to face the reality of barely making ends meet. It's terrifying when you don't have enough to place some aside in case of emergency, and it's horrifying when you don't even have enough for basic essentials. I wish so much that I could help you somehow. If my mum and I were in a different position, I'd do it in a heartbeat. The bills and the terror has gotten so tiring. It's killing us, and I can imagine what it must be doing to you. *hugs you and mum*

I'm just so unbelievable tired of this... when mum and I are out of money we're forced to charge everything. Oh god, hon. I understand.

How can mum and I pay for anything when we're down to nothing? Dad helps when he can, but he can't give us money every time we need it. His heart is in the right place, but he just doesn't get it. Mum and I have no savings because we can't save, we can't get ahead.

GOD. I don't even know what to say sometimes because of how this shakes me to the core in the way it mirrors my life, too. My mother has nothing for the future, nothing saved, because we've had to scrimp and charge and scrounge wherever we could get funds from what she's made since my parents divorce over ten years ago, and there was never any margin, any headway that allowed for savings to be placed. It's so scary. I look at her during the times when she says she doesn't know how much longer she can go like this, and how we can't survive if she doesn't, because we have to have the money to live and there's nothing but what we know she has, and the terror that forms in my stomach is almost too much sometimes. And it makes me feel so guilty.

I am like you. When I get depressed I shop/eat. So does mum. It's just a family thing, even a girly thing, we've always had the bad habit of doing. And it's not much here, either. $10 for something here and there - books, movies, earrings, keepsakes, $20 something here and there when we've eaten out, and suddenly it's tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt made up of a mixture of essentials (clothing, gas, groceries), house/car payments, doctor bills, and the few fun times we can have. And it seems the fun is somehow always obliterated once the bills roll in. Its a vicious cycle and it feels impossible to break.

Sure, I'll go if I can get $1000 a month from you to pay for bills and daily living then I'm all for it.

Again...I understand. I cannot afford school. Everyone in my stupid, distant family is pressuring mum to force me to go back to school this semester, and she cannot get them to understand that, in addition to my physical limitations and the fragile state of my health, there is. No. Money. I can no longer get financial aid from the state/government and I have no credit accumulated to get loans, and no one else has the money to put me through college. I am stuck without a logical way to get ahead. And everyone is in the background pushing me and whispering about me, but none of them, not one, is offering (or even able to) help. I'm sick of it. I need a fulltime income, and cannot hold a fulltime job. I need to go to school fulltime and cannot afford it. And I don't know where that leaves me.

I didn't mean to turn this into a personal agenda comment...I just know where you're coming from so well that it actually causes me pain to read that anyone else, especially a friend and someone I care about, is in a similar position.

The thing I admire most about you is your hope and your optimism. I think it often shines in you, even if you don't realize it, and it is a comfort to me at the times when I feel that my own supply has run out. I have faith in you, because I see the faith you have in yourself. You've proven that just in finishing school. That took so much strength and initiative, and I am incredibly proud of you for stepping up and for just embracing the amazing woman that you are.

After 5 years here on LJ, I think I want to change my user name. *gasps quietly* Rly?!

ICE CREAM.

I love you, honey.

*hugs you back* And if I could help you two out then I'd do it in a heartbeat. Right now we're down to our last two tins of cat food and we can't afford anymore. Thank god we get paid on Friday otherwise we'll all be royally screwed.

Thank you so much, honey. I'm lucky where I have a dad who is willing to help with school, but I probably wouldn't qualify for a loan as well. Since the problems with the credit cards I don't have great credit, which will probably just cause me more grief later in life. *sigh* Hopefully one day a miracle will pan out for us. I'm just so tired of everything.

*snuggles next to you*

Give your mommy a happy belated birthday from me!!!

They're... tolerating each other. They haven't really come into serious contact.

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